Second fight??

Wow.. I am at it again.. Last year I got into two Bschools. But due to some reasons I was unable to join them. And now I am back to square one. I cannot tell how difficult it is to visit the school website. How difficult it is to search for the B school. I cant make up my mind to go through the whole ordeal once again. I just cant.
I dont know where to start. I have one confirmed B school. I have differed the admission to this school to the next year. Considering my age, I dont know whether I should go for one year program or a two year program. If I go to my differed school it would take me two years to complete the program. And there would be a huge debt at the end of it. Or is it better to target one year program. that way I could still be in class of 2013. Huumm..

I have realized that I come to blog when I am at the zenith of confusion. I dont know where I am going.

So what should be my strategy??
Next time..

Moving a little ahead and a slighly backword

So, where I am today? I am actively planning for my Visa interview to US. I have started filling up the form. It would take some time to fill up my form as well for my better half. I am planning to take the Visa date somewhere at the end of the next week. So, I am moving forward with my decision.
But sometimes I feel that a scholarship, whatever small that be, would have made my decision a lot easier. It would have definitely boosted my confidence. I would felt lot better about managing my finances. Sometimes I get sudden rush of feeling to just forget about doing my MBA and invest the amount for a house back in India. Obviously that amount would not be enough to buy a full house. But it can very well go as good down payment for a wonderful house.
At the same time, I am feeling excited with the preparation for my Visa interview. I am excited for the new place that I would be visiting. I am excited for a new beginning in my life.
So right now my mind is moving forward and a little back word with these two contrast feelings.

Introspection

I still have some time before I leave office. Thus, the second post.
I guess one of the reasons of the confusion other than finance would be not clear career goals. Sometime I think I know what I have to do after my MBA. But sometimes I am wondering whether that field would be right for me or not. What if I get stuck? Till now MBA was a light post in my career. I mean whenever I use to get a feeling that I am not in the right field, I use to think. “ Aah, I will do MBA and can change my Career path”. But what about after MBA? I cannot afford to change path at least for few years after my MBA. Or may not be able to change path.
Another thing is I am use to work in a Middle East style. Less work and more money. Less stress and less number of hours. After MBA I am sure it is going to change. Will I be able to cope with that? What would happen during the MBA? I use to be ultra-competitive. But do I still have that fire? Sometimes I do feel the sparks though. I hope a fire begins with those sparks.
More on this later.

Visa and still not very clear

I have decided to apply for US Visa. And I plan to take the Visa date somewhere in the next week. So, One would assume the fig has lifted and I am sure that I would be doing my MBA. Nooo.. By all means it has become even murkier. Why ?? How?? My company now has a very generous policy towards employee. And last year, I was told that I would be promoted this year. And they would do that. Also with it would come a significant raise. Cooll!!! I should have ecstatic last year. But this year it adds only to the confusion.
But I have decided to go ahead with the Visa. I guess what I doing is let the fate decide this for me. I have went well beyond reasons and it has made my decision even more difficult. So let the outcome of the visa decides whether I would proceed towards my MBA or not.

Still Confused

I thought I am a kind of person who takes decision and sticks to it. I have helped some of my friends take some of the most important decision in their life. But I can’t decide whether to join the B school. I think money makes it more difficult. Imagine the figures. 130 K for attending the school. I have to take a good amount of loan. Add to this the amount I would not be earning/ saving. When I think about these figures, something happens in my stomach.
So I should say no. But I am not able to make up mind to this too. And can you imagine, in the morning it is yes, in afternoon it is no and in the evening I am still debating the pros and cons. And sometimes this switch happens in hours. Can you believe yes in one hour and no in second and after some time may be?
It’s unimaginable. My story has got more twist and turns then in a bollywood movie.
Some time I feel with the amount of saving that I have now and the amount I would be earning in two years, I can give my family back in India a good and comfortable home they deserve. They have worked hard for me and its time for me to repay in a small way. That house would be dream house for them. I would be happy.
But I see the other side. What happens to my career? I would be stuck in the technical side and I would be stuck in the Middle East. A part of my mind thinks now that not so bad. Relaxed work environment. Good, no very good money. And excellent saving potential. Good number of holidays. I can take trip to almost any part of the world that I wish to. But I guess I will not be happy with my work.
I want to see now the bigger picture. I want to be move up.AAAHHHHHH....
So much of twist and turns in this blog too.....

To MBA or not to MBA

I don’t know how to stop it. But after lot of hard work, I get into a good school. But with no schol. And I have been debating with myself whether to postpone my MBA for a year nor not. I am going crazy analyzing the pros and cons of doing MBA this vis a vis next year.
Without schol, I would end up with a good debt. I am saving from last three years. And have approx 65% of the total amount that I would need in those two years. Many would say that I would be graduating with no significant debt. But that’s not the only worry that I have. I have some responsibilities that would require some money. If I go ahead with my MBA, I would not be able to fulfill them. Will my family feel bad? No.. They are quite supportive about this entire MBA thing. But I am feeling guilt that I would be spending a whole lot of cash on myself. Even that is meant for education doesn’t matter.
Now if I postpone my MBA for next year, I would be 33 by the time I graduate. I would a older. Even now I feel that I be one of the senior most person in the class. Even graduating at 32 would make it difficult to compete against the younger ones.
Aahhh.. A little scholarship would have definitely helped...

Sometimes I feel that I should stop thinking. Just stop it. Postpone my decision for a fortnight or so.. I still have to get my Visa done. And that will not happen for at least a month now. I guess taking 10-15 days out of this "vicious cycle" would give me a better perspective of the things..
So hers my plan:
Dont think about whether I want to do MBA or not this year for atleast another 10 days.
Talk with friends, relatives, colleagues about their career choices.
Think what I actually want to do in the life.
That’s it.. No more thinking about the decision..

Long Time

Its been quite some time that I posted here.
To update, I have already give TOEFL in Aug 2010.
Received decent score.
I had applied to 7 US B schools.
And got interviewed by two and waitlisted in one.
And got final admit calls from the two school.
Sounds good..
One school being the top 20 in major rankings.
Sounds terrific..
I should be happy.. This is the dream that I wanted.
Finally I am last step way from attending the B school of my dream..
But some how I am not happy..
Now I am seeing the other side of this result..
Fear of investing a huge amount on myself..
Fear of losing what I am having currently..
See how human psychology works.. When I didnt had MBA college, I wanted to leave my job and do my MBA.. Now I have B school, I am having second thoughts on my job..
Actually the problem I earn a decent living.. Yes that the problem..
This actually raises the risk.. Risk of losing what I have now.. Since I save a substantial amount, there is a risk of losing what I am earning/saving currently..

I understand this would be a big decision.. Decision of a life time..
This can take me to new heights or push me to abysmal.

But, This decision has to be made.. And I would be the one responsible for the decision...